Joys of cleaning

Broom , vacuum , mop -3 things I continuously use. 
Having a two year old toddler around , means one busy messy house. 
 Sometimes clearing, sorting and packing away is somewhat therapeutic and for the A-type in me it means organization And peace of mind..... 
But shu this job is a 24-7 job , especially with a nanny just once a week! Oh ya for sure I'm blessed even to have her once a week , but by 5pm that very day , things are all over the place..... aGain ,

But a messy busy home means a learning happy home , making memories. There's always 7pm and day tine sleeps to resort and clean . And then start again ...... 



This mommy and daddy are off to a Ouma &Oupa for the night...... One less thing to pick up ..... Yeh

My Naartjie: Earthchild 'w Comfort

Having had to wear 100 % cotton ( because of his skin allergies) we were very fortunate to be given a couple of bags of used clothes or being blessed by granny, birthday or Christmas gifts.  

2 of matthews main clothing brands are Earthchild and Naartjie. I absolutely love their range and the way it washes and lasts forever. Even though he has skin allergies we just love Comfort softener  as it adds that amazing softeness and smells of happiness.

           

Kiddie fun extra murals

Matthew is very fortunate to be able to be involved in three wonderful extra murals 

Mondays he swims with Lynn Gardiner  in Dalmore Road in Tokai   0828502998
He has been swimming with her since he was 7 months old. He has learnt so much from her, and swimming so well for his age. 

 

His second extra mural is Moms&Tots with Shiree Goldstein in Bergvliet. 0835712915. Shiree@telkomsa.net.  It has taught him so much.  It's a wonderful 2 hour programme. 

Matthews 3rd extra mural he does is Wriggle&Rhyme with the wonderful Claire Golding in a Wynberg. Matthew has been doing Wriggle&Rhyme since he was 7 mnths old and has learnt an incredible amount.   Claire@cadesco.co.za

Money money money

I know I said I would post a few pics of the past months, but instead I've put that on hold for later .


Wow money has become something worth counting, goodness me, it feels like we counting every Penney these days and continuously driving in the red. 

BUT,  God is good and we will get by. I won't ever get this time back with my little one and for now it's scraping the barrel and  counting on daddy for the bread. 


Recently the 3 of us have been blessed so, the odd bunch of flowers, some blessed cash, a meal , a container of homemade rusks. A few liters of petrol. And this week a envelope of money for my hairdo. The joys of sacrificing to be home with your boy ....... But so blessed by the wonderful people around us. I wish I could do more. 

You know when your hair gets so bad , you just have to get it done., thank you Jeanine in Kirstenhof , for a fabulous job x 
Getting a babysitter , having a hot cup of coffee and not to mention that amazing head massage, now that's what I call a treat xxx 

Looking back : 2 years ago

Looking back at this last two years , I can honestly say. I do not know where they have gone. One things for sure I never knew what the love was until I had our little boy. Ofcourse I love my husband friends and family and most of all our wonderful creator :) but this love is baby love. I've grown in love. Meeting Matthew the first time was odd, it was like meeting a complete stranger and forced to love them , but thankful I fell in love and wow what a wonderful road it has become.  Thinking back today of some wonderful friends who can't fall pregnant , and I am so thankful. Have I forgotten my miscarriage , no I don't think anyone ever will, it's a little someone who was in you and then disappeared, but I trust God had better plans and the same applies to these special people. Not for one minute do I take what I have for granted. I often stop think about their hearts and say a quiet prayer for them. 

 MATTHEW TURNS TWO 

Matthew turned two this past a Friday and wow what joy delight and excitement he has brought us. Looking back on the way we started out to where we are today. : THERE IS LIGHT AT THE END OF  THE TUNNEL. Life gets better step by step. Day by day .
I would never have seen this in the first 9 weeks but it's true what everyone says. It does get better and better.

I put together a little video on Matthew's last year, and wow was this emotional and very tough to watch. I felt so saddened at how quickly he has grown and developed. He is no longer a little baby, he is now a toddler. I do feel excited to venture into his third year with him....


a few pics of the Barney Party we had in our nearby park. Celebrated with wonderful friends and a 

 


 In the next couple of days. I will be posting a few pics, qoutes and events that brought us together in the past 2 years ......

one day at a time 2012-2014

Being back home I was able to move over from a wonderful church campus to the nearby one , the Joshua a Generation church constantiaberg , currently Wynberg  and get fantastic support and love from them. I regrouped with a few moms groups and joined a swimming and music class for Matthew. 

Being busy and having my days ahead planned , definitely helped. Keeping busy is key but too busy is not good. 

Two valuable saying s : one day at a time & one activity per day. 

Matthew is a very routined baby and since  he began eating solids he started to sleep  so much better during the day and night. Routine is good for both him and I. 

Reading the wonderful book. Power of the praying wife,mother and women showed me ways to uplift my husband and ways to be a better mother and wife. It's inspirational pages made a good read. 

I missed not returning to teaching but with the after school activities, marking, preparation and admin involved in being a teacher. I think being a mom and wife is my number job for now, I completely admire the mother and fathers that are teachers out there. It is no 9-1 or 9-3 job. It is a 5/6 day week job 9-5 with marking 5 days a week. Well at least with these two teachers that is :) 

Today 20 may 2014 , nearly two years later I write this blog with sheer joy and excitement. ...

I am an overcoming mom. 
I beat post natal depression.
 There are definitely still days where I need to pick myself up and say come on girl you can do this. 
I have seen dr du Toit again and am successfully on half my medication. So one year on 60mg and now 30mg. 
Everyday is a new day, it's a blessing and I am so thankful for overcoming it, for the support the love.  And the blessing of knowing our amazing Lord. 
                                              

12 weeks later ......Stronger & stronger

As I started to feel stronger, so I started to train myself again. Housework, cooking, cleaning and looking after myself and family. I started to bond more and more with Matthew. I bonded before but as a job not as a mommy with love.

There were still days where the little grey cloud came looming over my head but for now , things were getting better.
I was due back to work , a Grade two teacher. I couldn't face that. I struggled with change as it is , now to go and change again. I wasn't sure how I would do this. I prayed to God and put my faith and trust in Him.

I chatted to my family, my headmaster and to my hubby and we all stood together in the decision that I were to resign and focus my energy on my husband and child and spend the year with him. How we would financially survive , time would tell. The faith in God to provide. 

Everyday just got better and better, and I started to feel more and more normal. I joined a local church , the Joshua Generation church aswell as the weekly moms group held there. 

We decided to pack up bit by bit and head home as a family.

My inlaws were incredible. Their love and support , help back home was amazing and helped  make settling back in , that much easier .

 

The light begins to shine

 
As Matthew started to smile something in me showed a little more hope that life was going to get better :) he started to smile at 6 weeks and this was around the time that I went to see a lady by the name of Linda Lewis. She wrote a book called : when blessings don't count ..
The chat with Linda and the read of the book made me feel more settled in the fact that ts was real , but it didn't take away the anxiety and depression.

I was hereafter referred to a psychiatrist by the name of Dr E DU Toit at the panorama : memory and psychiatric unit. She specializes in depression in women. I went to see her and discussed in length all the ups and the downs in my life, the road I'm on and how I'm feeling.

She immediately changed my medication to Cymbalta / Cymgen 60mg. She gave me some alzams for panic attacks and she gave me some sleeping tablets to retrain me to sleep. I didn't want to sleep but needed to sleep.

My mom and Graeme were amazing for 5 days while I was retraining myself to sleep , they stepped in and did all the night feeds.

Literally 3 days later I started lifting. The combination of meds, prayer, the Grace of God and my amazing family and friends I started to see hope and the light.... 

A family holiday away with PND

My folks, Graeme and I decided to go away to a quiet little place in Swellendam. The Somerset gift farm.  somersetgift@polka.co.za It was during July holidays and it was bitterly cold. We arrived at our destination and unpacked our things into the little house. I struggled to settle into the holiday mood and found it very difficult to get up during the night and again in the mornings. My parents were amazing. They would help bath , feed and get up for Matthew. 

I would wake up some mornings at 6am and just start crying ,balling and balling ....how embarrassing if I think back to it now, but the reality was it happened. I just couldn't understand these feelings and emotions . I landed up calling the psychiatrist from the holiday place and asking what more we could do.  He advised I push through till we get home and perhaps go see a dr in a rondebosch who specialises in PND. 

I vaguely remember this 4 day holiday and wished I was able to enjoy it more. It had crisp beautiful surroundings. Cows in the medows, a park for kids, warm fire places and comfortable sleep places. I remember another mommy being there on holiday and she could somewhat relate to my feelings as she had felt similar with her second child, who was then 3 years old. 

When we returned home from this holiday I immediately went to see Dr. bv. She listened to my heart and although others were pushing me to go back home , she insisted I stay with my parents until I was stronger. 

Stronger,?was I ever going to be stronger?was this going to be me for the rest of my life? Dr BV , wanted me to try the 100mg of Zoloft again and give it another two weeks.

  The problem with theses meds  is that it takes time. 
Time was not my best friend. 
I wanted a quick fix. 
I decided to give it another try and remain at my folks for a few more weeks. Around about this tine Matthew began to smile and start 'wakening up' to the world ......... 

PND journey part 2

Getting out of bed was getting harder and harder. No one can explain the feeling , other than you wish you could just climb under that bed and disappear. Disappear till life is normal again. I had a few friends visit, call and send their love. One particular friend would call me everyday to check up on me and encourage me to pray to God for help.  For his hand of protection. She would give me one task a day to do. This seemed to help. Small and simple instructions.
My gynae called everyday to ask how I was doing. At one stage they felt to admit me to get the medicine working quicker, but we battled it out at home. I refused to go anywhere, I didn't want to get dressed and I wasn't interested in tv, radio or much noise. My mom forced to go with her to the local pick n pay. Now if you know me which I doubt many of you do. I never go out in track suites or rarely should I say , never my slippers and never without a splash of make up. This particular day I went out in a purple matching pj track suite. No make up and a loose scruffy pony! Oh my hat! To the local supermarket. Was I feeling ok .... No I guess not. 

My mom runs her own business with a friend, Yvonne. Between my mom and Yvonne. I had someone with me 24-7. They both were incredible. They tried  so hard to make me positive and snap out of it, but goodness me,was this difficult. There were days where I rocked myself, I sat crying for hours, I just felt like vanishing.
I then decided to send Post Natal Depression a SMS. I SMS help to 0828820072. They didn't call me back immediately, but only the next day. They put me in touch with a volunteer living in Table View.

Such a lovely lady named Sonja came to see me the next morning. She brought a whole lot of reading materials. Not for me but for my family. They could read up on it and could understand me better. She gave me a few names of doctors who helped her, when she once suffered from PND. 

I really  struggled most mornings to get out of bed before 11am - I would eventually shower. Push my hair up into a pony tail and venture off to the lounge and sit there. I had many wonderful visitors and people who would call and try their very best to help or understand me .  There were very few people. I'd say 5 who truelly truelly could relate and understand me very well. But bless those others, they just couldn't relate. 

Been in contact with dr C at Milnerton Medi Clinic , he decided to up My meds from 50mg to 100mg per day , but this set off intense headaches so I had to go back to the 50mg. 

I truelly learnt to find my Jesus in my heart and feel his presence  and love xxx

So the PND journey begins

And so the Post Natal Depression Road begins  : part -1 

Going home for a  night or two ... Not so easy .....Make it 11 weeks , yes 11 weeks. 

Everyday seemed to get worse and worse. I couldn't get out of bed, I wasn't interested in showering, eating, talking to people, nor did I want to be with Matthew. However I did my job and a job it was. Feed and sleep. 

.?My poor family what they went through with me, was indescribable. Snap out of it Kim, come on Kim! Pull yourself together. It's life. This is life. This is normal. Many women have been through this. Look how blessed your are. Are you looking for attention. Are you struggling to adapt?....??

These were the daily questions and sayings but no I couldn't just snap out of it.  I called my gynae, she was very worried and sincere, as she had lost a patient once to PND. She immediately gave me a script for Zoloft. A common anti depressant and sent me straight to a psychiatrist who diagnosed it with PND. I was told to stay with my folks and give the medicine time to work ... To work .... Not an overnight fix .... I wished 

Home is where mommy is .....

day 8 ..... I woke up that morning crying and crying ....  Hubby was off to work and reality hit home .
We were no longer 2 but 3. We were no longer normal. Well at least I thought not. 
I didn't want to be awake at night, asleep during the day. I didn't want to go to bed with my baby for 6 weeks and watch movies, feed and change nappies all day . I wanted normal. I wanted to be Kim ..... 

I picked up the phone and called my mom. My mom and Dad live about 45 minutes away. Near but far ..... I needed my mom. 
My mom arrived and put me to bed to have a bit of sleep. She Cleaned the house. Did a feed or two and then I woke up. I woke up and wanted to be me not the new me. 

Having taught for 9 years, being a peoples person and being very routined and A type. I somewhat wasn't adjusting to this new Role.  Really me ? Kim Ingpen , née Willemse. The natural born Mother.? 

This little sleeping baby. In plain baby grows was somewhat boring , ..... Somewhat different and someone I struggled to link or click too.. What was wrong with me. Why couldn't I be a normal mother ..... Change had occurred .... No routine ..... 

Mommy decided to pack the 3 of us up and go Home for a night or two ...

Taking a newborn home

Taking him home ....

It was a Saturday afternoon , raining outside and the temperature rather chilly. My wound was rather tender. We dressed our little darling super snug. Dressed in grannies finest knits, off we headed home.  I felt so delighted to be going home, to our little house. 

 We arrived to a warm welcome by granny and grandpa. Welcome home banners were hanging and the fridge well stocked :) x it felt a little strange having a new little person with us. Just 4 days ago we were just us, Graeme and Kim. For the past 12 years it had just been Graeme and Kim. Now there were 3 Graeme Kim and Matthew.
The first few days and nights went fine. The normal cries, screams, poops and nappy changes. I think I totally overdid it though. I got up during the nights, woke up in the mornings, showered , got dressed and tried to be what I use to be. By this I mean, awake in the day asleep at night. I wanted to be a mom but I also wanted to be normal. Normal? Can one be normal with a 5 day old baby. ;) 

The day he was born

Having been through a miscarriage just 2 years prior, we finally started to try again, with the fear still within us. I had a fairly good pregnancy par the few emotional moments..a hard working teacher husband .. 4 months of morning sickness and teaching amongst 31 little 7 year olds.... I was grateful to carry to full term and await the arrival of our baby. 

My husband and I were so excited to meet our little boy . We knew we were expecting a little boy but had not yet named him. We were booked in for a Caesarian section  for 2 pm on Wednesday 23 may 2012.

   


At 14:59 our little boy Matthew Brian Ingpen weighing 3,95kg and 51cm was born. 

We both were delighted to welcome him and took to the parenting rolls really well. I felt a little uneasy when they placed him on my chest but perhaps that's because I was still rather numb from the operation. We tried to instill the 4 hourly feeds by bottle, and he took rather well to this. The nursing staff were so helpful and made the beginning of parenthood welcoming xxx 2 of my most favorite photos less than one hour old